Heavenly Hype Analyst Gifts

'You don't really need a halo and wings. It's just a marketing gimmick.'

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"Surgery up here is free!"

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

"All we have left is standing room only."

The Adventures of God

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"It's true: no more burpees."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

A surprise in heaven

'We've re-branded.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

Local News in Heaven

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'