Heavenly Hopeful Gifts

'He made it big in the athlete prayer industry.'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

'I'm new here...how can you tell the real 'Elvis' from the impersonators?'

"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."

'What did He do before he was God?'

Geese and Angels

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

Cherub on a cloud

"I've got dominion, I've got dominion..."

Life on cloud 8

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

"Mr. Jenkins' idea of paradise is a never occupied loo, a big flat screen with hundreds of free sports channels and a fridge that always gets refilled with beer and pizza."

Angels Playing Frisbee with a Halo.

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

They couldn't Convince Jimmy, the Smoke-Detector Salesman, that he hadn't gone to Heaven

The spirit's flight

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

"I was an attorney, but I was also one heck of a nice guy."

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

"This is great. This could be franchised."

Heavenly Ships

"Not now, Elaine—I'm on my man-cloud."

The Ladder to Heaven

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"No sir, we do not have beer here."

"'Smoking' or 'Non-Smoking'?"

Heavenly Take Out

Pearly Queen Gates

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

"What a relief."

Heaven.