Writing Advisor Gifts

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

Ethics exam cheater.

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Continuing education.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

The Canary in the Coal Mine

Teacher has two boxes: "Book Smart" and "Street Smart"

'He will observe your text now...'

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

'Oh, and one more thing

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

"The narrative seems contrived."

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'