Writing Instructor Gifts

"The narrative seems contrived."

"It's a nice story, Mr. Fergus, but why do you always write in the passive voice?" "I suppose because I've been a taxpayer all my life."

'Your poetry totally captures the raw, primitive essence of the writing workshops you've attended.'

Louise Glück

"Tim has had a challenging year confronting a maelstrom of emotions as he sought to..."

"Isn't this outdated because there are script fonts now?"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Campaign for Plain English

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Thru versus Through Traffic

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."