Writing Mentor Gifts

Samuel Butler.

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

'He will observe your text now...'

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

Roald Dahl gets a book idea

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

"The narrative seems contrived."

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Progression of human writing, from chisled stone to computers until 2000 when the computer has blown up

C Day Lewis.

"His prose is so muscular."

I told you the King wasn't ready for irony!

Mature poet surrounded by young artists passing mature artist surrounded by young poets.

'Sorry.. I don't date lower-case types.'

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''

Admirable People - No.7. The man who invented writing before anyone could read.

"He spends hours waiting for his muse to strike..."

'Yes, a winky face is correcy...But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices know as 'complete sentences.''

'Too many exclamation points!!!!!!'

Woody Allen

'Junior is just a little confused.'

The Keyboard

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

Tell the author your idea for a book at 3 pm.

Louise Glück

"Sorry, but your personal life story just isn't very original."