Literary Laugh-seekers Gifts

'I plagiarized because I thought it bares repeating.'

'Maybe there's hope for Leonard yet...' says wife, looking at husband reading a book called 'When funny things happen to stodgy people.'

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Bad fake tan day.

"That'll be five bucks."

Multi-Generational Books

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

'I'm afraid he's a bit tied up right now'

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

"200,000 other people have also highlighted this passage of the E-book, you common idiot."

'l leave worrying about taxes to those who pay them.'

New Jersey Cops Gone Wild

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

'I'm afraid you're a little late for the book signing, Mr. Dickens.'

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Since he just ate lunch, we never know if he'll be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Naugahyde.'

"Right. Money isn't everything - what's the other thing again?"

'If they install word recognition software in my texting program, I wouldn't have to know how to spell or read. Ain't technology great?'

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

I was going to tell this guy to shut up, but is conversation is actually more entertaining than the movie.

Bell boy!

"She's addicted to those trashy novels."

'Listen, be fair, George - it's your TURN to take Mrs McCarthy for her lesson.'

"How much should I spend on a bottle of wine?"

Athletic clothes...shoes: 'What do you have for sitting on a wall?'

"Alice said the bottle had 'Drink Me' on the label but the only word I can see is Gin!"

Ruth and her new cordless telephone.

'We take concerns about billions of pounds of NHS fraud very seriously. In fact I've asked Nurse Miggins to sort it out as soon as she gets back from lunch!'

"Supply chain issues. You'll have to settle for green pancakes and hash browns."

'Illiterati' Isn't Jeffrey Archer Brilliant...

'Hello...Dr Smith...this is...Fred Yomp's computer...'