Literary Joker Gifts

Skywriter's Block

'I've read every one of them.'

'I did a speed reading course yesterday.' - 'It's incredible! I read Moby Dick in 27 minutes this morning!' - 'It's about a whale or something.'

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

''IQ'? -- I thought this was a haiku test!'

"The moment you realize that the person after you get to read aloud the paragraph with the curse words in it."

'Egg toss, I thought this was the water balloon toss?'

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

'You again? OK, pal... I'm deleting you and this time you're going to stay deleted!' ~ the screen saver of Dorian Gray.

Man reads a book with a pop out 'Laugh'.

Keats's heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains his sense.

Warren Pease meets Jay Nayre and Howard Send.

'The sejant muzhik would tiffin on colza and clupeids.'

'Good book?'

'I don't want to lose my place.'

Politics Books

"If my writing reflected my reading, I'd probably just be writing menus."

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

"Señor Giant, don't listen to Don Quixote. That is my windmill, not your cousin Pedro."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

Photobooth Photobomb

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'