Historical Joker Gifts

"I said, 'Go East'; you went west...again! Why can't you listen? Don't be such a schlep! You big schmoe!"

'No, it only has a driver-side airbag.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

Richard the Turd

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

'I'm surprised the boss isn't in here checking up on us!'

Toilet humour

'Good book?'

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'You again? OK, pal... I'm deleting you and this time you're going to stay deleted!' ~ the screen saver of Dorian Gray.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Keats's heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains his sense.

Skywriter's Block

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

'Two, four, six, eight Who do we appreciate ,,,'

No infrastructure problem here

Mr. Bubbles was beginning to regret sending his son off to clown college. 'Is that what they teach you, up at that fancy school of yours?!'

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

The Cartoonists

'A room with double beds, please.'

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'