Literary Accountant Gifts

"Very impressive. I see you majored in accounting and minored in creative writing."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"Hmmm....not bad. What about liquid assets?"

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Rhinestone Accountant

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

F.B.I. Financial Fraud Investigation Unit. The accountant passed his lie detector test. Where should I file the result? In "accounts believable."

'Put the teeth away. I'm the Audit Fairy.'

"Be careful - these things have consequences. Tax consequences."

"Sin tax? I love it."

'I only invented money last month, and I already have four payments due!'

'So the cuts have started then?'

Right brain accounting.

Accountancy - 'plein air'

“I can’t disagree, your methods are very creative. But… have you any practical accounting experience?”

Accounting's poet laureate.

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"I'm their accountant. Trust me - I'm the one you want to get lucky with."

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

"Can't talk right now - we're in the middle of a fiction-writing workshop."

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

Broker's Report

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

Deep in his heart James the accountant was an artist. Sometimes when he was alone in his office, he worked the keyboard like a pianist playing the Goldberg variations.

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

"I really like to push the envelope. I've even been known to do quintuple-entry bookkeeping!"

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'

"No wonder I got it so cheap!"

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'