Comedy Accountant Gifts

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Will work for ETFs

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

General Motors.

"Any chance of a couple of crumbs?"

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'

'Honey, have you seen the size of this phone bill.'