Fun Accountant Gifts

You're doing "taxes", huh? What's your high score?

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

"That was a rumor day."

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'Till debt do us part...'

Bookkeeping Club

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'

"Hmmm....not bad. What about liquid assets?"

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Masochism for stockholders.

Canine Bank and Trust. I'd like my account to roll over. I'll go fetch it.

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Rhinestone Accountant

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'Put the teeth away. I'm the Audit Fairy.'

Good Accountant/Bad Accountant.

'Perkins, what about this trip on your expense account to 'Fantasy Island'?'

'After reaching new heights, the stock market closed early due to an oubreak of acrophobia.'

'Have you got the accounts right yet?' - 'Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.'

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."