Laughing Accountant Gifts

"No wonder I got it so cheap!"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

Clive Anderson

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

'The U.S. Treasury announced today that the federal deficit will no longer be measured in 'trillions' of dollars, but in 'light-years'.'

Rhinestone Accountant

Royal Mail Privatisation

'Put the teeth away. I'm the Audit Fairy.'

You're doing "taxes", huh? What's your high score?

F.B.I. Financial Fraud Investigation Unit. The accountant passed his lie detector test. Where should I file the result? In "accounts believable."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'So the cuts have started then?'

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Extreme Accounting!

"I'm their accountant. Trust me - I'm the one you want to get lucky with."

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

Everyone seemed more relaxed after the Down Skill & Dumb Up seminar.

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

'We like to put the 'fun' in 'refund'!'

'What's your credit limit, Roy?'

"Oh, and can you reschedule my appointments? Apparently, they don't want me doing any more accounting once I start my three to dive at Dannemora."