Playful Accountant Gifts

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"Hmmm....not bad. What about liquid assets?"

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

'The U.S. Treasury announced today that the federal deficit will no longer be measured in 'trillions' of dollars, but in 'light-years'.'

Rhinestone Accountant

'Put the teeth away. I'm the Audit Fairy.'

You're doing "taxes", huh? What's your high score?

Good Accountant/Bad Accountant.

'Perkins, what about this trip on your expense account to 'Fantasy Island'?'

'Have you got the accounts right yet?' - 'Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.'

"Be careful - these things have consequences. Tax consequences."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'So the cuts have started then?'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

Extreme Accounting!

"I'm their accountant. Trust me - I'm the one you want to get lucky with."

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

Deep in his heart James the accountant was an artist. Sometimes when he was alone in his office, he worked the keyboard like a pianist playing the Goldberg variations.

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'

"No wonder I got it so cheap!"

'I was an accountant, and they got me for thinking outside the books.'

'We like to put the 'fun' in 'refund'!'

"Oh, and can you reschedule my appointments? Apparently, they don't want me doing any more accounting once I start my three to dive at Dannemora."