Comedy Accountant Pillows

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Will work for ETFs

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

"Any chance of a couple of crumbs?"

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

'Honey, have you seen the size of this phone bill.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

Oh, I can't complain. high profits

'I miss the great depression.'