Laughter-loving Accountant Pillows

'We like to put the 'fun' in 'refund'!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Rhinestone Accountant

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

You're doing "taxes", huh? What's your high score?

Royal Mail Privatisation

'Perkins, what about this trip on your expense account to 'Fantasy Island'?'

"Just once, I'd like to be able to write a check without getting thrown in jail."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'So the cuts have started then?'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

Extreme Accounting!

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

Everyone seemed more relaxed after the Down Skill & Dumb Up seminar.

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

'Joey, I'm taking you out of tobacco company stocks, and putting you into medical marijuana futures.'

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'

'Short straw tells the employees what we did to their pension funds...'

'Shake hands with Bob, our Hazardous Materials Manager.'

I.R.S. - Looters will be hired.

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

"No wonder I got it so cheap!"

"Oh, and can you reschedule my appointments? Apparently, they don't want me doing any more accounting once I start my three to dive at Dannemora."

'What's your credit limit, Roy?'

"Well, you wouldn't tell me how much you earned, so I didn't tell you how much I spent!"

'See? The diet works! Your wallet has already lost most of it's weight!'