Quirky Accountant Pillows

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

Dog Bookends

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

"We've got an application from a bank asking if we'd like to sponsor a branch."

"I've built this business up from scratch. . . "

"Alfresco Plumbing & Hardware Supplies"

"Excuse me...but there are hairs in my soup. I think we should be supportive when our friends open a business. But sometimes I wonder...what are they thinking?"

Rhinestone Accountant

'I used to be a 'nut', but since I made millions in the market, I'm a 'contrarian'.'

Snow Cones 50 Cents - self serve.

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"We fire pound coins at each other at high speeds and hope for the best ..."

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

'Damn - that was my idea.'

Hot dog vendor is struck by a new business strategy...Grilled Bankers.

Bob's Window Washing and Private Investigator!

'You may march to a different drummer, but you still have to pay the same piper.'

Snake charmer tries to improve the sales report.

"I guess this is about as hostile as we can make this takeover."

Taxidermy and Exotic Meats.

Lemonade 50 cents - Smokers Welcome!

'Can you believe that seven women, that's 83.5% of females in the 21-50 age band who are present, think I'm boring?'

Stock Tips: $5 - 'What not to buy'

'An unpleasant customer will come to see you? Well, remember that there are three good buddies who can help you: garlic, onions and beans.'