Comedic Accountant Pillows

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

At The Clown Bank.

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

Rhinestone Accountant

"Tut! You've tapped in the wrong number again!"

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'WHAT??! 3.695.897 euro for the pizza delivery service??!'

'Fortunately, I'm serving, concurrently, both my interest and principle.'

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

"What??? For that money I used to get at least a judge, a congressman, and a city councilman!!"

"The pound is reaching parity with Liz Truss."

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

Accounting's poet laureate.

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

"Very impressive. I see you majored in accounting and minored in creative writing."

The immortal philosopher Murphy sets pen to paper...

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

'I'm sorry dear, I'm going to live by myself, I need to economise!'

Deep in his heart James the accountant was an artist. Sometimes when he was alone in his office, he worked the keyboard like a pianist playing the Goldberg variations.

'I'd like to hear your experts' opinion about the development of the gold market, sir.'

"Eddie, the 'old economy' is making a comeback..."

"The bad new is we lost five million dollars last quarter, but it could have been worse. It could have been our money."

"I wish you would stop asking customers how much filthy lucre they're depositing."

"Spend, and the world spends with you. Save, and you save alone."

'Believe me, sir - Entertainment is a very serious business!'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

"Our gas bill's been levelled up."

"Well, a million dollars isn't worth much these days ... unless you can get rid of the Internal Revenue Service!"

"I'm trying to forget a 401k."