Comedic Financial Analyst Pillows

"Tut! You've tapped in the wrong number again!"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

Monkey Business College

Sorry, Rudy, no way can I raise your pay to $15 an hour. Why not? 'Cause that would destroy jobs. What would you do for a job once I moved the caf

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

At The Clown Bank.

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

Royal Mail Privatisation

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

'We finally found a way to break the deadlock in our negotiations. I'll need a deck of cards and some poker chips.'

'Fortunately, I'm serving, concurrently, both my interest and principle.'

"What??? For that money I used to get at least a judge, a congressman, and a city councilman!!"

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

With more and more graduates defaulting on college loans, many loan companies have hired undercover hecklers!

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

"Honey, I'm home."

"The pound is reaching parity with Liz Truss."

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

"I'm thinking of investing. Do you invest?"

'I wear the pants in this family!'

I don't mind you being the butch one in our relationship, but must you keep leaving the toilet seat up?

"Whew, I'm glad it's a jobless recovery."

'I could kill for a good cup of coffee now.'

The immortal philosopher Murphy sets pen to paper...

'Need some money for a facelift, I presume?'

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

'I'm sorry dear, I'm going to live by myself, I need to economise!'

Surveying and statistics sections in a Library.