Comedic Financial Strategist Pillows

"I'm trying to forget a 401k."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'All my children have been successful. Frank here is in the Oval Office.'

"All right, Thompson. The board concedes that this quarter's economic growth does look very much like a kitty.

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

At The Clown Bank.

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Royal Mail Privatisation

"Tut! You've tapped in the wrong number again!"

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

IRS, 'How about that -- 100 unearned income.'

"The pound is reaching parity with Liz Truss."

'All profits go directly to charity'

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

'Okay - imagine you're a bailiff coming at me with a repossession order.'

"What??? For that money I used to get at least a judge, a congressman, and a city councilman!!"

'Fortunately, I'm serving, concurrently, both my interest and principle.'