Comedic Financier Pillows

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'Believe me, sir - Entertainment is a very serious business!'

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

At The Clown Bank.

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

"Tut! You've tapped in the wrong number again!"

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

'We finally found a way to break the deadlock in our negotiations. I'll need a deck of cards and some poker chips.'

'Ask your doctor if investing in the market is right for you.'

"The pound is reaching parity with Liz Truss."

'Fortunately, I'm serving, concurrently, both my interest and principle.'

"What??? For that money I used to get at least a judge, a congressman, and a city councilman!!"

'I had to co-pay for the bagel.'

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

'Sorry, but Watford is not a tax heaven!'

If the Fed can loosen it's money supply, why can't you?

"What do you think of the new window display?" "It's the first time we've ever shown a prophet."

HA HA PAID NO TAXES

"I'm thinking of investing. Do you invest?"

'Eddie, how about emerging Far East funds? The rumor is that China will come out with a velcro chopstick!'

'My attorney will explain why calling it a 'bear market' makes me a victim of profiling.'