Comedic Budgeter Pillows

'We're going to have to cut back - these singing lessons for the kids, for instance.'

"Our gas bill's been levelled up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

Homeless count.

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

"They weren't doing a two for one on moisturisers, low fat yogurt or muesli then!!"

'He's put in a tender to run down public services.'

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

BELTS, loose & tight...weight loss clinic and financial advisors.

At The Clown Bank.

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

Rocket priced prams.

"This is where the party budget ran out."

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

'Fortunately, I'm serving, concurrently, both my interest and principle.'

Unemployment Math

"The pound is reaching parity with Liz Truss."

'Honey, the splurge isn't working!'

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

"What??? For that money I used to get at least a judge, a congressman, and a city councilman!!"

Budget Stoplights.