Literary Accountant Pillows

"Very impressive. I see you majored in accounting and minored in creative writing."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Rhinestone Accountant

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

Accountancy - 'plein air'

'I only invented money last month, and I already have four payments due!'

Right brain accounting.

“I can’t disagree, your methods are very creative. But… have you any practical accounting experience?”

'So the cuts have started then?'

Accounting's poet laureate.

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"I'm their accountant. Trust me - I'm the one you want to get lucky with."

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

"Can't talk right now - we're in the middle of a fiction-writing workshop."

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

Broker's Report

Deep in his heart James the accountant was an artist. Sometimes when he was alone in his office, he worked the keyboard like a pianist playing the Goldberg variations.

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

"I really like to push the envelope. I've even been known to do quintuple-entry bookkeeping!"

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

"No wonder I got it so cheap!"

'I was an accountant, and they got me for thinking outside the books.'