Lighthearted Cook Gifts

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Better Not Squash.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

Amy Sedaris

'Needs more kale.'

Sushi Train Set.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

Christmas Canapes

The Bachelor Chef TV Show. First, remove last night's pizza from the fridge. Then eat cold for breakfast. Shoot! 29 minutes left to kill.

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

The vegan hunter

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

Virgin Olive Oil. Not-Virgin-But-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold Olive Oil.

Noodle exchange program.

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

'Hoopla!'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Football Pudding

"Why are they called freshers when they only eat processed food?"

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that.'

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

'When I asked what you're in the mood for, I meant, foodwise!'

Queen Victoria having a barbecue using BBQ sauce