Lighthearted Eater Gifts

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

Laughing Zone Ahead

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Fridge-to-table"

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

The vegan hunter

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

Milly's Home-Style Restaurant

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

'They use paper plates.'

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

'After 25 years of research we've concluded that you should just eat, drink and be merry.'

"The good thing about eating a melon is that you wash your face at the same time!"

'Progresso or Campbells Select!'

'It would never work out, Harry -- I'm wine and cheese, and you're beer and pretzels.'

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'

'Could I have a look at your childrens menu? It's only my inner child that's hungry!'

"Call me!"

Clancy's Chow Palace was not a good choice for Emily Hargrave's retirement dinner.

"Calm down! You're such a worryguts...!!"

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'It's a new commandment by the church of Danae...thou shalt make room for donuts.'