Lighthearted Cook Pillows

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Better Not Squash.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Amy Sedaris

'Needs more kale.'

Sushi Train Set.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

Christmas Canapes

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

The vegan hunter

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

Noodle exchange program.

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that.'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Football Pudding

'Hoopla!'

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

"Why are they called freshers when they only eat processed food?"

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

'When I asked what you're in the mood for, I meant, foodwise!'

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

Queen Victoria having a barbecue using BBQ sauce

'My mum's not very hygienic... She cooks carrots and peas in the same pot!'