Light Humor Aficionado Gifts

"I couldn't work out how to use a dimmer switch and then I gradually saw the light. . ."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"The Eggsorcist"

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

A Golden Non-Retriever

Jack London

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

Vlad the Wholesaler

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

"Any references?"