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"I couldn't work out how to use a dimmer switch and then I gradually saw the light. . ."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"The Eggsorcist"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Jack London

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

A Golden Non-Retriever

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

Vlad the Wholesaler

"Any references?"