Light-hearted Jokes Gifts

"Is the light bothering you?"

'Date of birth?' - 'Tenth of February 1979' - 'Sex?' - 'Yes, please.' - '£1,000 fine?' - '...totally worth it.'

Get crazy once in a while

A Golden Non-Retriever

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Shoe repair

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

'Vacuums!'

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

Surreal Ale Pub.

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 5

'What colour is a hiccup?'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

'At least you still think I'm great, don't you, boy?'

'Hello? Animal control?'