Light-hearted Jokes Gifts

"Is the light bothering you?"

'Date of birth?' - 'Tenth of February 1979' - 'Sex?' - 'Yes, please.' - '£1,000 fine?' - '...totally worth it.'

Get crazy once in a while

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

Daffodil bulbs

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Shoe repair

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Surreal Ale Pub.

'Vacuums!'

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

'What colour is a hiccup?'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 5

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

"It's face painting Friday."

'Hello? Animal control?'