Life's Thinker Gifts

'No matter how much money you make, this is all you'll ever urn.'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"Death coach..."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"What can you do with him?"

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

Baxter finally gets a life

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Women

Who's Dead

Wally dozes off in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

It's not a figure of speech - this is the corporate ladder.

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."