Life's Thinker Pillows

'No matter how much money you make, this is all you'll ever urn.'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Aging Support Group

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"Death coach..."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"What can you do with him?"

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

Baxter finally gets a life

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

"In a former life, I was exactly the same."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

'When it said in her profile that she's a cosmo girl, I had something entirely different in mind!'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Women

Who's Dead

Well, yes, it's a free library, but...

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."