Life Fixer Upper Gifts

"I need help tolerating the mess I've made of my life."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

The Upholstery Consultant

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

Well paid job

A woman repairs a broken heart.

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

Nail Ambush

Chainsaw and Chair

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

Kitchen Table Issues

Jungle Plumber.

'Here we go again, Mr Gloez, you are NOT a couch mechanic!'

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

'Ideal for children - the play area is only a stone's throw away...'

That should keep it from overflowing again. Now, if you'll just sign the work order, I'll be on my way.

'Oops-sie.' (Car jacked through the ceiling).

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"It isn't much of a business plan, is it?"

Cardiology

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'It's a thousand pities you had to miss those final weeks of your upholstery class.'

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'