Furniture Fixer-uppers Gifts

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

Waiting for Pants

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"She does this when she's tired."

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

DIY.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

The Upholstery Consultant

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

Super glue . . .

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

Irritable dowel syndrome

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

Well paid job

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'