Furniture Fixer-fan Gifts

"I got a little confused in the middle of the surgery, but on the whole I think the upholster-plaster was a terrific success."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Waiting for Pants

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

"It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's $800 beautiful."

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

'That's not what it looked like in the shop...' - 'It's near enough.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"She does this when she's tired."

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

DIY.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Super glue . . .

"Hmmm. Not sure it will go with my wife."

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

The Upholstery Consultant

'Gurkenman! The fact that you've got a height-adjustable desk does not mean that you've been promoted into a higher position!'

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

"I can't find the instructions."

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

"Renovating your bathroom?"

Irritable dowel syndrome