Fixer-uppers Gifts

'I live on a fixed income and if I ever get my hands on the repairman...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

She - Interpreter - He.

Waiting for Pants

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

The Upholstery Consultant

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Well paid job

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

Chainsaw and Chair

"Kick the machine"

Nail Ambush

Kitchen Table Issues

'Here we go again, Mr Gloez, you are NOT a couch mechanic!'

Jungle Plumber.

'Ideal for children - the play area is only a stone's throw away...'

That should keep it from overflowing again. Now, if you'll just sign the work order, I'll be on my way.

'Oops-sie.' (Car jacked through the ceiling).

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"So a plumber charges $600 for 45 minutes' work?! Is that the coolest job or what?!"

Cardiology

'But we can't afford counseling. Can't we just have our marriage defragged?'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'It's a thousand pities you had to miss those final weeks of your upholstery class.'

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

'We have a terrible relationship - he keeps beating me.'