Life Expectancy Enthusiast Gifts

"Good news is that as mayflies we don't need to think about retirement plans!"

Reach for the Star.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

The Age of Reptiles. . .

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

'Normally, I'd give a man in your condition six months to live, but we have a special this week on eight months!'

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

"Well, it's funny, Sid. Every time I've got onr foot in the grave, something interesting happens, so I pull it back out again!"

Did You Know That...Scientists in Illinois, USA, claim we would live a longer life if we were more like elves?

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"