Longevity Explorer Gifts

Midlife: You Are Here.

37 years in the same position.

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"I can Botox it, but I don’t want to freeze up my sixth chakra."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'