Longevity Explorers Gifts

'If I'd known I was going to live 900 years, I'd never have opted for early retirement.'

37 years in the same position.

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Great, now we're lost."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

That's Seven in Human Years

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai