Lesson Plan Joker Pillows

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Wind turbine and leaf blower.

E=Emcee Squared

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

Long-legged clown...

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

Adult Absence Notes.

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

'The test results are in. We've ruled out anything cheap.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

"I'm not finished exercising. I still have a couple of laps to go."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'Backseat driver...'

"So...what did you learn in school today, Baldo?"

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

Do I get extra credit for neatness?