Budget-conscious Joker Pillows

"Sorry, we're trying to save money, hence the wind-up pacemaker."

'The test results are in. We've ruled out anything cheap.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"We only got six days of funding."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Note Book

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Adult Absence Notes.

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

Toilet humour

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

Mr. Bubbles was beginning to regret sending his son off to clown college. 'Is that what they teach you, up at that fancy school of yours?!'

No infrastructure problem here

'A room with double beds, please.'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

"Now go home and forget about your amnesia..."

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'