Lending Comedians Gifts

'Sorry, we can't do you a 200 mortgage!'

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

'You've been approved for your loan, Mr. Root. We'd like to hold your nuts as collateral.'

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

'When a doctor looks in your ear with that pointy thing- what's he looking for...?'

Outlaw Quilting Bees

Memory Foam Mattress.

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

A waiter strictly adhering to his religion

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"The face of the pear-shaped man reminded me of the mashed turnips that Aunt Mildred used to serve alongside the Thanksgiving turkey. As he got out of the strawberry-hued car, his immense fists looked like two slabs of slightly gnawed ham. He waddled over

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

'You're not smiling, Stan. I guess my credit is a horror story.'

'The first thing I gotta do is pay off my loan. My roommate loaned me 6 bucks last week for beer.'

"Officer, the washing machine ate my brother!"

A tiny man living inside an ATM gives away money.

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

"It's from your student loan office."

'Aren't you afraid of inaccuracies on your credit report?'

'Maybe we better airbrush this credit report before applying for a loan.'

'Can I see someone about a loan?. . . Okay, I'll see Tonto then.'

"It says sleep deprivation is costing Americans millions of dollars."

'A withdrawal? †Oh, the cut-and-run type, eh?'

Lots of people helping out with the self-service machine.

Cost of Fuel