Crowdfunding Comedians Gifts

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Kick me

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

Memory Foam Mattress.

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

Wedding Coin Tosser

'All profits go directly to charity'

'Hey partner, you're building your brand with stolen content.'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

Bankruptcy court

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

'We were getting along fine and then she wanted me to get a job.'

'I wish my marriage was 'catch and release'!'

"Business is terrible. I've already had to refill with red ink two times this month."

Scavenenger's hunt.

"We saw a light so we dropped in."

Houdini.

You have back-breaking syndrome. Throw away your credit cards, refinance your mortgage and switch the kids out of private schools into public schools.

"Do I have fourteen days to change my mind if I don't like being married?"

'A withdrawal? †Oh, the cut-and-run type, eh?'

'He's right, you know. You're not allowed to bring a date to your own wedding.'

Middle-aged dreidels

'I hope our fence won't cause a conflict.'

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'