Funding Humorist Gifts

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Budget reaction.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

'Can you dance?'

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Dollar sign balloon.

"A preliminary market analysis indicates that money can buy us love at approximately $21.75 a bushel."

'I´m sorry, but I cannot show you the job description yet. We don´t want to lose you, even before you sign the contract.'

Lateral Recruits

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

'The first thing I gotta do is pay off my loan. My roommate loaned me 6 bucks last week for beer.'

Computer that runs on money.

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

'You're not smiling, Stan. I guess my credit is a horror story.'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'