Legal Theory Fans Gifts

Consensual Murder

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Wal-Mart Ruling

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

Antonin Scalia

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

What really became of the boy named Sue.

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"No, he's not grounded anymore. He used his allowance and lawyered up."

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"I charge by the grain."