Amateur Legal Theorists Gifts

"I consider myself to be a constitutional absolutist. I absolutely love to spout off about it, even though I've read absolutely none of it."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

Wal-Mart Ruling

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

Violent Crime Statistics

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

The Dangers of Corporate Personhood

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Lady Justice.

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

Baby's first words.

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."

"Can you hear me now?"

"Overruled."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

Two lawyers in a royal court