Fantasy Legal Fan Gifts

"Your lawyer is a zombie?"

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Not guilty?"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

Antonin Scalia

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'