Legal Narrative Fan Gifts

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Not guilty?"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

Thomas Keneally

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

Antonin Scalia

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"It's a blood curdling novel about the brutal murder of a publisher who rejected a book about the brutal murder of a publisher..."

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

God's Double Whammy.

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

Robert Macaire as a Barrister