Legal Satire Fans Gifts

"Got outta jury duty!"

Grin and Bear It

'You're accused of running too fast and knocking down a pedestrian...'

'I've got an injury claim solicitor to advertise on your soles.'

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so I'm sentencing you to twenty years in Detroit.'

'May the groom kiss the bride?'

Ask Me About My Kids Lawyer

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

I provided the case, why do half my damages go to you? Anyone can fall down a liftshaft.

"How I spent a day with daddy at work while maintaining deniability..."

Trial by Media

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Yawning barristers in court

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'He started it!'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Antonin Scalia

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'Judge Mental.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'