Legal Satire Fans Pillows

"Got outta jury duty!"

'You're accused of running too fast and knocking down a pedestrian...'

'I've got an injury claim solicitor to advertise on your soles.'

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so I'm sentencing you to twenty years in Detroit.'

'May the groom kiss the bride?'

Ask Me About My Kids Lawyer

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

I provided the case, why do half my damages go to you? Anyone can fall down a liftshaft.

"How I spent a day with daddy at work while maintaining deniability..."

Trial by Media

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Yawning barristers in court

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'He started it!'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Antonin Scalia

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Judge Mental.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

The annual running of the lawyers.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."