Legal Satire Lovers Pillows

"I killed him in self-defense. I'm not good at accepting criticism."

"What we're going to say to the jury is 'Love the embezzler. Hate the embezzlement."

Yawning barristers in court

'Lawyers to Avoid.' 'Need a lawyer? I'm low in cholesterol, have never been tested on lab animals and am 100 biodegradable.'

"I don't think we're supposed to taser people who park on double yellow lines."

'According to this, they're suing you for illegal entry and the theft of one mince pie and a glass of sherry.'

The annual running of the lawyers.

'My client wasn't going to keep the money, Your Honor - He only robbed the bank to get on a reality show.'

'And remember, people, there are no frivolous lawsuits... Only frivolous attorneys!'

'I was doing fine in court... and then they had to get 'legal' on me.'

'Your Honor, my client demands that the catnip evidence be removed!'

Frankenstein opens door to be given an ASBO

"In your own words, describe to the court. . . what you witnessed - and when and where you witnessed it, Mister Jehovah."

Trial by Media

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'He started it!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

Antonin Scalia

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"