Legal Representation Gifts

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"This is my lawyer, my lawyer's lawyer and my lawyer's lawyer's lawyer!"

'Follow that ambulance!'

County Court. I don't care how many self-defense classes you've taken. Acting as your own lawyer is still a bad idea. (Published originally on July 18, 2011.)

Always read the small print!

'May I pay you with a sleazy investment scam?'

'Remember talk is cheap.' - 'Yeah, until I walked into your office.'

Law partners: 'You're my attorney, MJ. How come I'm NOT your attorney?'

"Because you acted as your own attorney, you will do your community service sentence with the public defender's office."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

I love Lawyers

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

Barristers

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"